Dec 2, 2019

One Sharper Image Catalog Too Many Two

One Sharper Image Catalog Too Many Two, By The Numbers, II.

II. What should I get?

Pretty obvious inquiry, here. I want to get something for a person I don't actually care about but to whom I have some societal obligation. What's the cheapest way I can get out of this store with a bag in-hand?

The absolute cheapest available purchase is the Extra Coin Wrappers, an accessory for the Heavy Duty Electric Coin Sorter ($119.99) on page 48. However, as in part I, I'm subjectively excluding these kinds of things. So the Extra Coin Wrappers are out, as are the Replacement Mop Heads for the Multi-Surface Cordless Mop (p. 20) and the Refill Cartridges and [30|40]-Pack of Paper, for the Portable Smartphone Printer (p. 15) and Smartphone Photo Printer (p. 74). (Yes really.)

They're all out! The winner is a $30 gizmo tucked away at the bottom of page 2, the 8-in-1 Emergency Auto Tool... and it is exactly the kind of plausibly-useful-but-practically-not, gift-for-a-stranger, not-quite-white-elephant, real-life crapware that existed in droves, in the Sharper Image of yesteryear's malls.

At $8 instead of $30, I'd consider buying two and tossing them in the closet as emergency "We Forgot So&So's birthday!" gifts. At $30, I'm content to make fun of it on the internet.

And and the other end of the price scale?

On the high end, holy smokes it's a photo finish! (But which printer to choose? Heh.) My first two trips through the pages, I assumed the Absurd Chair was the winner at $3K. I eventually realized that the Fat Man Mix n' Match Cabernet arcade thing (now available as a cocktail table!) is also $3K. I had to double-check my notes twice, my decimals were wrong the first two times. (This project will make you go cross-eyed. And also? I did some of the note-taking on my phone, while walking the dog. It was tricky.)

So I ironed out my typos and saw that the Ridiculous Chair was the winner, by exactly four round dollars.

Hours later, working on part III. of this dumb thing, I finally noticed the dollar amount attached to the Foldable High Performance Mobility Scooter, hiding down in the inside corner of page 37. Honestly, I think my eyes slid past it several times because the product looks like a $200 Big Wheel For Adults. The sticker couldn't shock me because I'd mentally rejected the idea that it was a contender, based on the photo alone.

But here we are, at least this mistake avoided, with your winner by 99 pennies, the Foldable High Performance Mobility Scooter. Go for a spin, you've earned it.