Dec 6, 2019

One Sharper Image Catalog Too Many Two

Zapped!

electrolysis gizmo electrolysis gizmo 2

"STAFF APPROVED" How in hell would they be in the catalog otherwise? C'mon.

These absurdities are two pages apart (pp. 6 and 8). The first one, the LED Home Electrolysis Kit ($119.99) has "galvanic current" in its LEDs. "Galvanic" meaning "powered by a battery," right?

I talked about this last year, copy writers having great tricks up their sleeves when the product totally fails them. "Galvanic current" is a clever way of saying "battery-powered."

"Electrical-energy dependent! Wow!"

The second one is $80 more! It's the Professional Laser Facial Hair Remover ($199.99), and it has an "infrared monochromatic laser." Is there such a thing as a non-monochromatic laser? Seriously. Hang on I need to search this...

[90 seconds pass]

Right, yeah. No. Yeah. A Quora.com link suggests something like "you hear this all the time, that lasers are monochromatic light, but it isn't true, or at least it's only true in the same way that all planets are round is true. It isn't quite true." Two search results later, an Answers.com summary (I didn't even click through) says "All laser light is monochromatic." I give up. Maybe a doctor-scientist will come along and explain.

"Monochromatic" is a good trick. So many letters! So little meaning!


And well hello, down there on page 55!

electrolysis gizmo 3

They showed us one at $120, made it seem like a steal by subssequently showing us a $200 one, and then they tossed a $100 one on the clearance table in the back.

Like the Professional Laser Facial Hair Remover, the Fine Facial Hair Remover ($99.99) uses "the same galvanic technology as professional salons, a small electric current." JFC.

Someone needs to buy all three of these, divvy their face into thirds, and test each one, over some reasonable period of time. Science!