Dec 9, 2018

One Sharper Image Catalog Too Many

Travel UV Sanitizing Wand

For a split-second I thought this was a UV light, which would make a horrific traveller’s anti-gift — the gizmo-equivalent of “icing” your pal with a Smirnoff malt beverage. A punishment, not a treat. I hope this hastens your demise, it would say. Please, lay your head on any of the following stains…

For another handful of seconds I fell for it. “WELLLL, if it works, I mean… that would be a really handy thing to have.” This is the spot where They Get Ya. More about this spot, eventually.

You have to keep thinking... if it really works, if it WORKS, it would already be ubiquitous throughout the hospitality industry (to say nothing of elementary schools°). Every maid’s cart in North America would have an integrated UV Sanitizing Wand charging port to host a UV Sanitizing Wand.

(Consider the spread of hand sanitizer over the last decade or two. How many thousands of gallons of antiseptic ethyl-alcohol goop launch with every Planetbuster-Class cruise ship out of Ft. Lauderdale twenty-four times a week?)

That the Travel UV Sanitizing Wand is found in the pages of the Sharper Image catalog tells me everything I need to know. (This truism renders this whole writing project moot, really. Why write an “I wonder if this works?” essay about a product found in “Things That Don’t Work Quarterly ”?)

Hypothetically… if it did work… instead of putting it on the maid’s cart, maybe they’d put one in every room, “Complimentary For Your Peace Of Mind."

But then… well. Mann’s Assumption.

NOTE: Room Will Be Charged $300 If Removed Or... Adulterated.

° Educate, Don't Irradiate! The quarterly is quarterly, not the not-working.