Dec 13, 2018

One Sharper Image Catalog Too Many

The Bacon Electric Toaster

I mean... this company basically exists to con people, right? They find nonsense gizmos and plastic junk and upsell the living shit out of it through ludicrous amounts of marketing. It's a bunch of techno-razzmatazz intended to bamboozle and extract cash from people struggling through an empty mall or a crowded airport.

"Ethel! They sell a watch that tells you when to take your pills AND has a weather radio in it! That's the real NOAA weather, Ethel, not some flim-flam!

"My god, and it displays PGA Tour scores?! We're not going to the gate Ethel. We're staying here. With the watch.

"I don't care about the kids, the kids are fine! Denver is too far to fly anyway. Denver? Air's too damn thin. Watch'll tell you - got a darn altimeter/barometer combo in it, too!"

what was I saying?

Oh, so this whole thing is a huge exercise in first-class marketing. Sharper Image's marketing is McDonald's, to SkyMall's Hardees.

But marketing includes photography, and that's what goes monstrously wrong here.

Have you ever watched a Behind The Scenes-style show where professional photographers walk the audience through the painstaking process of shooting a fast-food sandwich to be displayed on thousands of menu boards? It's all lacquers and sprays and humidity-controlled rooms. It's real work!

Given all that... THIS BACON IS DISGUSTING. Whoever approved this photo should be fired. From a cannon.

The copy, though, that's top-notch stuff. "Customize the crispiness to your liking by adjusting the illuminated cooking dial." Gold! Toasters have had a little dial on 'em for 50 years, and this writer makes it sound interesting.

"The crispiness is customized to my liking for once, Ethel! It's got a damn illumin-dated cook deal! Dammit!"